Extreme Chronic Stress

One of the kind people who recently responded to the Caregivers' Survey wrote about how her BBS adult child had just been admitted to a psych ward for suicide attempt, and how she, the caregiver, worried about her own mental health. This is an all too frequent family problem when the family is dealing with extremely stressful situations over a long period of time. Some of the family begin to feel helpless and hopeless, others feel guilty thinking it's their fault that things seem to be going so badly.

30 years ago that was right where I found myself. Helpless, and feeling hopeless, guilty, and wanting all the emotional pain to end. I attempted suicide several times, but fortunately the final time I ended up on a ventilator having had a "near death experience," that changed my life.
30 years later I've been married for 25 years to a man who loves me, have 2 homes, and although my life is not perfect, (whose is?) it's light-years better than I could have dreamed of back then when I thought all was lost and the world would be a better place without me.
I underwent several years (I'm a slow learner!) of therapy with many good (and some not so good--dropped them and found good ones) therapists, determined to never let myself get to that hopeless/helpless place again.

THE MESSAGE: Chronic, severe stress changes one's ability to make good judgements that enhance one's quality of life. Folks suffering under chronic severe stress can make decisions that are self-defeating, although that is not their intention. These people get blamed for not getting their life together and for creating drama. Talking with family/friends about the obvious stressors helps, but is not enough in most cases, to make things really better when dealing with chronic severe stress.
Misuse/abuse/dependence on alcohol, prescription, and illegal drugs do actually help in the short term, but are disastrous in the long run, making what is already a difficult situation so much worse. Misuse of these chemicals affect the brain at the cellular level making it more difficult to make good decisions. Chronic stress affects the body's ability to fight off viruses and can make us sick.
Chronic severe stress drains the body of energy, and makes us feel tired all the time.
It causes stomach problems and high blood pressure and contributes to a host of other serious ailments. All good reasons to honestly evaluate what level of stress we're dealing with, ask ourselves whether it is chronic or situationally short-term, and take a hard look at how it has been affecting us. If it becomes painfully clear that you've been working hard and doing your very best and yet you're suffering under the symptoms of severe chronic stress it's time for a change... for the better.
WHAT WORKS: Supportive individual and family counseling, with empathetic and caring therapists who are trained in how to deal with families under extreme, chronic stress works. If you know of a family that is under this level of chronic stress, and exhibit the symptoms it causes, be supportive, and suggest counseling. There's every likelihood that your suggestion will be rebuffed initially, because few people want to admit that they can't "handle" the stuff that life sends them. But with consistent caring support, they may at some point agree to make an appointment and get some help.
We all need to help when we can, and know when to suggest that professionals could help, too.
It may not always feel that way, but you caregivers, family members, and BBS folks are heroes!